Welp. The end of 2019 truly tested me. I feel bad whenever people ask me how the holidays were, because I’ve been pretty frank about it. Between December 21st and January 1st, four people that I know died. My cousin, my great aunt on my mom’s side, my great aunt on my dad’s side and my sister’s best friend’s husband.

It was an emotional rollercoaster of a time. When I was trying to do holiday things and keep the Christmas spirit for my kids, I was in an internal battle of sadness. It was a lot. On New Year’s Eve both of my kids were sick and our oven broke. It was one last thing to end the ridiculousness of last year. And I almost lost it.

Instead I cried a bit and went to bed at 10. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t stay up to ring in the New Year. But I didn’t care. I was so over 2019.

And now, we’re at the end of January and it’s the first weekend I’m not going to a funeral. Instead I’m going to two kids’s birthday parties. And I couldn’t be more excited about it.

I will say, in the midst of all this sadness, every time I told someone about the year or the end of the year, I was met with hugs and sympathy and an agreement that it was just a shitshow. Friends dropped off care packages and checked in with texts and family joined together. Matt was my rock as he watched the boys so I could go to each funeral without worrying about chasing little gremlins around. And he held me each time I got the news that someone passed and I just cried.

I know this is a part of life, but I’m hoping the sadness will stall out for a bit. The next few weeks hold some exciting plans (the boys’s birthdays, parties, girls’s night out, date nights) and I’m ready for some good times.

So let’s do this 2020. Bring on the good.

Thanks for listening. xo