Lately I’ve been feeling some of the downsides to grownupdom (I’m coining that one) despite all of the holiday cheer and fun that’s been around me. So yes if you saw me day to day you probably would have no idea that anything is wrong, but really, it is. And there isn’t a whole lot I can do about it except grin and bear it.
Something I’ve learned over the years is that once you leave college and the cushy life it becomes increasingly impossible to avoid changes both big and small, no matter how hard you try. And apparently I don’t do well with change.
And what’s changed you ask? Apparently everything (okay that sounds so melodramatic, I swear I’m not and it really isn’t everything but still, you get it right?). Friends have moved, family has moved and every time they come home it’s like we have to catch up on our lives in four hours not knowing when we’ll all hang out again. And friends are busy, it happens. But apparently they’re all busy at the same time. And again, I get it, but I miss them. We’re all grown ups and have grown up things to do and grown up lives (friends are in grad school and med school and law school and working ridiculous hours and moving to different cities or just plain busy) and apparently all of that just makes me feel a little alone sometimes.
And at the same time I find myself wondering “do they miss me?” or “are they breaking up with our friendship?” because sometimes I feel like it is always me inviting them over, sending a hello email, writing on their facebook wall, inquiring into their lives. Yes I know, I know, it happens people truly are busy, but does being a grown up mean you can’t stay friends? I really hope not, because I love my friends and I really just miss them. So friends, if you read this: I MISS YOU.
However, on the flip side to all of this “busy friends”/”Katelin’s a whiner” thing, being a grown up still has its perks. I can buy whatever I want (err afford) at the grocery store, I can go out on a weeknight and not have to worry about homework or reporting to my parents when I’ll be home, I can read for fun, I can throw parties without and RA or parent busting it up (yes I know there are cops but my parties rarely get that wild, minus that one time with Jell-O shots, but still, errr nevermind) and I can decorate our apartment any way I (er Matt has some say) want.
So yes, being a grown up is not a cake walk and it takes compromise and I’m ready to do it and face both the ups and the downs head on.