Dear skank ho Heidi,
You are never ever going to win an Oscar. Keanu Reeves will win an Oscar before you do. So shut your trap and walk away from Hollywood, scratch that, run away! Run back to Colorado and stay. Please?
Future Academy Award attendee
Make up your effing mind. It’s June isn’t it? That means sun you ho, not clouds and drizzles, gah.
The girl that just bought two dresses
Dear Barack Obama,
You are the man.
One happy democrat
I know you are fictional, but after finally catching up with the female population and seeing Sex and the City last night I heart you even more than when I would watch the show. You seriously made me laugh and want to be your friend all at once. Not saying that I don’t love the other girls too, but your loyalty and willingness to tell someone off, truly the sign of a great friend.
You should probably start winning some more games, just so you know. Maybe just a few? Like I don’t know, let’s at least get to .500, okay? Sound like a plan? Sweet. Thanks. Okay. Looking forward to a few wins.
A most loyal fan
Dear gas prices,
Stop going up! Seriously, it’s getting a little ridiculous and I don’t like it. So really, you can stop now, any time now really.
A pissed off car owner
Dear morning gym goers,
Please don’t talk to me. It’s nothing personal, but it’s too damn early to have a normal conversation. I’m tired and just want to work out and be on my merry way. So don’t be offended if I barely smile or only say hi, it’s just because it’s before 8 and I’m not really functioning then.
The spaced out girl at the gym
My dearest parents,
Thank you jeebus for finally getting DVR. You don’t know how happy this makes me and how much TV I will probably watch this Summer because of you. But really, why couldn’t we get it like six months ago when I still had TV shows to watch and was forced to record on VHS?! Ah! The irony! Alas by the time my shows all come back I’ll hopefully be moved out and Matt and I will have our own DVR. Oh well. It is still the thought that counts and I love you dearly for it. So thank you.
Your TV obsessed daughter
Are you here yet? No, you’re not? Damn. Okay see you in two days.
Your biggest fan