A few people have sent me emails and messages and texts to ask me how I’m doing. And you guys, every time someone asks it makes me cry. In a good way.
I feel so special that you’re thinking of me. I feel blessed. You are wonderful peoples. And I just want you to know that.
But really, to answer it for everyone. How am I doing? I’m okay.
Okay being the key word here. Because I’m trying to stay positive. Trying to stay distracted with weekend plans, travel plans, decorating for Fall and fictional people. Matt and I are in a really good place. A goofy place. A silly place. A fun place. Last week we slept in our living room all week on our mattress because we could. We joked about making another fort and how much fun we’ll be as parents. We’ve had date nights and lazy nights. Whenever I’ve gotten nervous or freaked out about the possibility of fertility treatment he’s assured me we’ll be okay, we’ll make it work. If I have a freak out, he’s the one to calm me down.
And whenever I fail at eating gluten free Matt just laughs and says “try again tomorrow.” So far I’ve been pretty good. I’ve been sticking to my healthy regimen with the occasional fail at gluten. But hey, I’m trying. And that works right? I’m feeling a bit healthier. I’m feeling refreshed (albeit still exhausted ALL OF THE TIME). I’m feeling okay (even better when I sneak in a bon bon).
And all of that is to say, I’m okay. Nine months into this journey and we’re very much in limbo and I’m okay with it.
It would be a lie to say that the three pregnancy announcements on Facebook this week didn’t affect me. It would also be a lie to say that I felt a tinge of guilt when I instantly felt jealousy instead of joy. However, it wouldn’t be a lie to say that even if I don’t get to post similar news soon, I will be okay.
Right now we wait, we hope, we have big dreams and we wait some more.
And I am okay.
happy thursday!Posted in Me Things