Real Talk: PCOS Edition.

by katelin on July 10, 2013

Before I get started on this post I just want to go ahead and apologize to any family and friends that I haven’t told about this because really, it’s hard, and I can only tell this so many times without getting all flustered and bah. It’s about to get all super personal here and super girl talk and I hope you’re ready.

A few weeks ago after taking an ovulation test, I broke down and cried. I cried because I had no idea what the test was saying, I cried because I was annoyed I even had to take the stupid test and I cried because I was just so frustrated. As a surprise to no one, my baby fever and our general readyness has resulted in me trying to get pregnant since December. So far it’s been six and a half months of trying and negatives and weird body signals and a whole lot of nothing.

In April, days before my birthday I was diagnosed with PCOS, Happy Freaking Birthday to me. Don’t know what PCOS is? Let me enlighten you in something that 1 in 15 women have:

  • There are cysts on my ovaries that make it hard to determine when I’m going to ovulate (or if I’m going to ovulate) or have a period. They’re also causing my hormones to be out of whack, so that’s lovely.
  • I’ve been breaking out in acne all over like I’m going through puberty again (JOY!) and weight gain is a side affect as well but since I haven’t weighed myself in months I’m not quite sure if that’s actually happening.
  • I’m more prone to becoming a diabetic.
  • Infertility is a possibilty.

Awesome right? Yeah, not even a little bit. More like I cried when I found out and I screamed profanities (FUCK!) and I’ve just been trying really hard not to get deterred.┬áBecause you guys, even if I do get pregnant women with PCOS have a much higher possibility of miscarriage. And it’s terrifying.

On top of that I feel like this is taking a toll on our love life. Morning ovulation tests, remembering to take Clomid and monthly trips to the gyno are not the sexiest things. Matt assures me that it’s not and that I’m being crazy but I feel like this is taking over and taking the fun out of something that should be awesome and magical and hey future baby, we want to meet you!

Luckily Matt has stayed sane. And asked questions. And researched with me. And kept me level. And not judged my random fits of crying. And totally indulged me when I get to cuddle other people’s babies knowing how much I love it and how much it makes my heart ache. And just, breathe.

I know this isn’t the end of the world. I know modern medicine is amazing. I know I have a really awesome gyno who is helping me make plans and figure out what to do. I know that I have friends and family that are going through things much worse than PCOS and I just want to hug them. I know I have an awesome support system of wonderful people that check up on me and ask questions and keep me positive. But sometimes I just need to vent and cry and yell FUCK really loudly.

 

I wasn’t even sure I’d hit publish on this post because I didn’t really want to share this. But you know what? It’s happening to me, it’s part of my life and if I can’t share it on my blog then what am I writing for? I know I’m not alone in this and just, I wanted to get it out there. So there it is.

 

Breathe in, breathe out, it will be okay.

 

happy wednesday!

Posted in Me Things

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