But when my life gets serious, my writing tends to get serious too. And I’ve been sitting on this for a bit and it’s time to let it out, so here we go.
The day after Matt and I got home from our vacation I found out that a friend of mine from high school had committed suicide. At first it was a flutter of “what’s going on?” and “is this real?” as his Facebook page filled up with “RIPs” and then I called and texted friends panicking asking if they knew anything for sure. Once it was confirmed I broke down.
I don’t know if it was hormones or jet lag or my exhaustion from a hellish first day back at work, but I broke. I sobbed into Matt, I sobbed into a pillow, basically I just sobbed. I hadn’t seen my friend in over a year but I still had so many ridiculous and happy memories with him that this shock warped me. It was like a piece of my youth was gone.
His funeral yesterday made it all more real, he wasn’t coming back. His huge smile, his fedora hats, his awesome dance moves, none of it was coming back because he wasn’t coming back. Yesterday I learned how truly loved Steve was and he wasn’t there to see it, to feel it, to know. He was loved.
A week after Steve committed suicide I got a call from my sister as she told me through stifled tears that a high school friend of hers had committed suicide. A girl my sister had planned to see over the holidays. A girl I had played volleyball with. A girl that was a total goofball and one of the silliest people I’d known. A girl my sister had so many funny pictures and fabulous memories with.
I immediately felt sick. Was this some cruel joke? This can’t be real, can it?
But it is.
She’s gone as well.
Her funeral is Tuesday and I know it will be another hard day. Another day surrounded by so many people that loved her and she won’t be here to see it, to know it or to feel it. She was so loved.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to grasp what either one of our friends was feeling or what made them think there was no way out, no help, no one there to listen to them. Because neither one of them were alone.
It just makes me want to help anyone I can. So if you’re reading this and you feel alone, please talk to someone. Talk to anyone. Nicole has posted about places that help and she supports them so much and we all should.
So hug someone today that needs it, heck hug someone that doesn’t need it. Let’s spread the love and we’ll all make it.
And thank you to so many of you that reached out through my emo tweets and tear-filled eyes and thank you to my friends for the love we shared yesterday for Steve, I’m so glad we can always be together and thank you to Matt for simply being there.
And remember, you’re not alone.Posted in Sometimes I Get Serious