Grown up friends.

by katelin on December 2, 2010

Lately I’ve been feeling some of the downsides to grownupdom (I’m coining that one) despite all of the holiday cheer and fun that’s been around me. So yes if you saw me day to day you probably would have no idea that anything is wrong, but really, it is. And there isn’t a whole lot I can do about it except grin and bear it.

Something I’ve learned over the years is that once you leave college and the cushy life it becomes increasingly impossible to avoid changes both big and small, no matter how hard you try. And apparently I don’t do well with change.

And what’s changed you ask? Apparently everything (okay that sounds so melodramatic, I swear I’m not and it really isn’t everything but still, you get it right?). Friends have moved, family has moved and every time they come home it’s like we have to catch up on our lives in four hours not knowing when we’ll all hang out again. And friends are busy, it happens. But apparently they’re all busy at the same time. And again, I get it, but I miss them. We’re all grown ups and have grown up things to do and grown up lives (friends are in grad school and med school and law school and working ridiculous hours and moving to different cities or just plain busy) and apparently all of that just makes me feel a little alone sometimes.

And at the same time I find myself wondering “do they miss me?” or “are they breaking up with our friendship?” because sometimes I feel like it is always me inviting them over, sending a hello email, writing on their facebook wall, inquiring into their lives. Yes I know, I know, it happens people truly are busy, but does being a grown up mean you can’t stay friends? I really hope not, because I love my friends and I really just miss them. So friends, if you read this: I MISS YOU.

However, on the flip side to all of this “busy friends”/”Katelin’s a whiner” thing, being a grown up still has its perks. I can buy whatever I want (err afford) at the grocery store, I can go out on a weeknight and not have to worry about homework or reporting to my parents when I’ll be home, I can read for fun, I can throw parties without and RA or parent busting it up (yes I know there are cops but my parties rarely get that wild, minus that one time with Jell-O shots, but still, errr nevermind) and I can decorate our apartment any way I (er Matt has some say) want.

So yes, being a grown up is not a cake walk and it takes compromise and I’m ready to do it and face both the ups and the downs head on.

Tell me. Do you have a hard time seeing your friends and family too? Is it a grown up thing? Or a lame thing? Or a “stop whining Katelin” thing? And how the heck do you change it?

happy thursday!

Posted in Give me my grown up badge
  • bellerenee

    I feel like I've lost nearly all my friends due to grownupdom. It's hard when I live 5+ hours from any of my college girlfriends… and because of that, we literally haven't talked for over a year. Yes, I'm lonely, but I'm learning to embrace the people I work with and my husband's always entertaining company.

  • Lynn

    Totally with you here! Busy schedules make it tough to keep in touch…and when you don't have the shared college experience, you sometimes find that you're leading completely different lives and sometimes it's tough to relate. However, I find that the older we get, the more we find out who the true friends are – and those are the ones that always make the time (even if it's not as frequent as you both would like!) ps: I saw that Violet Garner-Affleck turns 5 soon and I thought of you and your blog :)

  • Jen

    I heart and miss you like crazy and I can NOT wait to see you NEXT MONTH!Let's have a phone date this weekend, k?Love,J$

  • Zoe

    I know how you feel buudddy! None of my college friends or even really high school friends live near me! I love you and miss you, and will see you in a few months, yay reunion, yay bachelorette and weddings!! Stay positive- you have tons of friends who love you, and think about you often.

  • Nora

    Well between my very best friends living either clear across the country or even a short road trip away, I feel you on this one. Not to mention that some of my very best friends I've met through blogging and they also live far away. the people that I'm friends with in the STL, well we all have different schedules agendas, etc. I'm lucky to see them every other week, if that. It's hard to feel like you're the only one making an effort. Some people don't make an effort because it's too hard for them or maybe because they don't notice a difference? It's really not fun either way. I'm always here for you! Thank goodness for blogging otherwise I'd go crazy.

  • Hillary

    I wrote about this yesterday :) I have no wisdom to share, just a hearty "me too!"

  • amanda

    ah! i totally get you. i miss college life badly. where all my friends were in the same place and it was one big party. i don't miss any of the work, though. {of course}but yeah…it's not so easy when people become grown ups and things tie ya down. it's tough. i look at it like, you get out what you put in. it's all a matter of effort. and effort has to be proven on both sides. ya know? no worries, you're not whining. and even if you are…i still like you!xxx

  • anna marie

    I absolutely agree! (I'm writing this taking a 10 minute study break,so I totally feel for the insanely busy thing)I was thinking about this recently. 90% of my friends live scattered throughout the United States. While I love that, since I can send cookie packages, I do miss calling a friend and meeting up for coffee. Thank god for husbands! :)

  • Ashalah

    This post was like you went inside my brain to write this. If that makes any sense. Basically, I'm going through the same thing. I moved from NYC and I expected it to be harder to keep in touch but I feel like I'm the only one reaching out, the only one texting or facebooking or emailing. There's no more just showing up at a bar or hopping on a subway to go see them.It is a downside of being a grownup. Life just gets in the way.

  • Sarah

    Gosh I SO feel you on this one! It can get overwhelming sometimes. I just try to focus on teh good things and really enjoying the time I have with my friends (sorry that's not too helpful is it?) Hang in there!

  • Kalei’s Best Friend

    THIS is called LIFE… yep, as I told my kids- college is the last step before u go out into that big bad world.. In fact the head faculty who gave the commencement speech told the graduates the same thing… College is safe… College is easy, meaning u can concentrate on you and at the time everything is ABOUT YOU… Life is a lot of give and take hon… U gotta pick your battles… Just ask your mom and dad, they will tell u the same thing… BTW, even when u are a seasoned adult, your friends can still go away, believe me… People float in and out, nothing stays the same…

  • imlivinginadream

    I'm totally with you on this. I probably complain about all the same things on a regular basis and I think I'm a few years younger then you as it is. It just sucks when you start getting older and everyone is moving and doing their own thing around you. Wouldn't it be fun if everyone could just stay together and happy and carefree always?

  • Lacey Bean

    I definitely think you lose friends as you get older and more into the "real" world. Unfortunately with jobs and all that jazz, you don't have as much time. Also people move away, etc. I do think it's sad when I see friends who have a large group of friends still from home or college, and I only have 1 or 2 from each place. BUT – those are the people I've learned I can really rely on, and that I love spending time with. So I guess it's a small win?

  • San

    Totally with you here, Katelin. Just imagine how much all of this magnifies when you move to a foreign country and you get a glimpse into my life!

  • Jessica (Bayjb)

    Sadly, none of that gets easier as time goes on. I'm having a hard time feeling like I can connect with anyone lately because so many of my friends are getting married and starting families. I don't know where those of us who don't have that go.

  • OceanDreams

    I'm struggling with this too and completely understand! It's hard keeping up with friends and even harder when you go a time and not hear from them…I just recently had to move because of a job situation and I miss my friends. I'm finding it hard to keep up with them bc I'm in a different state and part of me is afraid that I might lose some of them and plus, I know they are busy like you said too. Hang in there though, if a friend is meant to be they will stick it through with ya. :)

  • Susan

    And it just gets harder as people get farther away. I know what you mean and I feel like I'm always consumed with guilt all the time because of it. Sometimes I'm not available, sometimes my old friends aren't available, but either way you drift into this pattern of acquaintanceship (coined too!) that was once friendship. It's sad, but you're right, we've got a lot of good things going on too. And in the end the best of the best are sifted through and you can enjoy that stuff with them.

  • Daniela

    Katelin, never forget your wonderful family and Matt. I'm sure they will love you whatever you will do or say and will always be with you. So there's no need to worry about some friends you can't meet every now and then…

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