Perhaps you already know who I am. If so… hello again! If not… so nice to meet you. :]
When Miss Katelin — soon to be Mrs. — asked me to be a guest blogger for her while she’s out of town, I was absolutely flattered! I normally don’t prefer guest posts (I find them rather intimidating & slightly evasive), but… Katelin is an exception, because I adore her.
(FYI: Did you know that Katelin & I live about 5 minutes away from each other? & while we’ve managed to hang out several times all over LA — even in Las Vegas! — we have never actually hung out at each other’s homes? I find that absolutely hilarious! You’d think we’d run into each other at the store, or at Starbucks, for Heaven’s sake! But no such luck. [Note to Katelin: Your readers as witnesses, you & I are hanging out, inside one of our apartments, STAT. No more of this nonsense!])
I only found out yesterday — or perhaps she had told me before & I just forgot — that Katelin is going out of town to go to yet ANOTHER wedding! She’s been to more weddings this year than I have since birth! (I’ve been to only two weddings in all my 22 years; not including my own.) & not only is Katelin getting lovingly smothered with love & romance from others’ nuptials, she is also getting an epic amount of practice for her soon to come wedding next August. (Which seems far away, but in truth, will here before you know it; because how fast has this year gone by? Holy crikey.)
My own wedding was nothing too extravagant, but was everything spontaneous. Jonathan & I eloped to Las Vegas on Christmas night, completely on a whim, but still thought about enough to know what we were getting ourselves into. This was almost 2 years ago… & within those 2 years of marriage, I’ve learned a lot of things…
1.) I’ve learned that it IS possible for men to be like they are perceived in the movies. They can be romantic; they can be sweet; they can be intuitive. & they really do pick flowers for you while they walk home from work.
2.) I’ve learned that my husband is truly the only person that can quiet my overactive & extremely obnoxious hypochondriac tendencies. Example:
Me: Babe! I think I’ve got tooth cancer!!!
Him: No, you don’t.
Me: Well, does this look like a tumor to you? [opens mouth]
Him: No, it doesn’t.
Me: Well, maybe I have a flesh eating disease; do you think so?
Him: … Probably.
Me: Hey! That’s not funny.
3.) I’ve learned that even though a man’s genitals are not very pretty to look at, we can still be friends… with benefits.
4.) I’ve learned that I’ve earned a special right to browse & buy books in the Love/Sex section at the bookstore.
5.) I’ve learned that my husband is usually 20 degrees warmer than myself, & for that, he makes the best foot warmer. Sticking my popsicle toes down his pants (while watching a movie, for example) suffices my freezing feet perfectly.
6.) I’ve learned that in spite of your husband (Jonathan) blatantly wearing a wedding ring, with his wife (me) standing right beside him, people STILL think the wife (me!) is “just a friend” along for the ride. Perhaps it’s because we’re an interracial couple. Nevertheless, there is no valid excuse for ignorance. & we all know what happens when you assume! (As my father says: “You make an ASS out of U & ME.”)
7.) I’ve learned that when my husband does something — be it tightening a screw, slicing potatoes, or opening a jar — he does it just slightly better than myself.
8.) I’ve learned that every night is date night. Even if my husband & I are at home, in our pajamas, playing old school Nintendo, while eating chocolate truffles, it is just as thrilling as a night on the town, because there is no where else I’d rather be.
9.) I’ve learned that men’s magazines are just as fascinating as women’s magazines. In fact, I’m the only one that reads them. Jonathan will only look at the pictures, comment on how air-brushed the male models are… & then pick up a book about Eastern philosophy.
10.) I’ve learned that there is nothing more adorable than when you are tickling a man into oblivion; so much that he is giggling, snorting, writhing, & completely red in the face.
11.) I’ve learned that going to bed angry is okay sometimes.
12.) I’ve learned that the smell of my husband’s sweat, combined with his patchouli deodorant from LUSH, is like Heaven to my nostrils. I actually prefer that sweaty smell to cologne.
13.) I’ve learned to apply makeup according to my husband’s specific displays of affection. I know that he likes to put his hands on my cheeks, so I make sure not to wear heavy foundation. I know that he likes to kiss my eyelids, so I know not to wear too much eyeshadow. I know that he cannot pass me by without kissing my lips, so I never wear lipstick/lipgloss.
14.)I’ve learned that my husband’s critique is valued immensely, even if it hurts a little. Example:
Me: Honey, how do I look?
[Jonathan gives me “the look.”]
Me: Really? I thought I looked nice…
[Jonathan gives me “the look.”]
Me: Alright, already! You don’t have to be nasty about it.
15.) I’ve learned that in spite of me vowing to always remain somewhat lady-like in front of my husband, I can usually out burp him… most of the time.
16.) I’ve learned that my husband really couldn’t care less about Brazilian waxing, thong underwear, or high-heeled shoes. He has been kind enough never to request or allow me to partake in any of those things. For that, my vagina & my feet are forever grateful.
(This has been published on my blog before, but I felt it was absolutely appropriate to re-post it here, considering this blog just oozes love & marriage & all over goodness. I hope you all don’t mind! & Katelin, thank you for letting me guest post here today. Have a great, safe trip.)